It Hurts When
by If you feel the same for me
Summary: Based off of the following anonymous prompt: Sam and Mercedes are at the courthouse about to get divorce...but can't go through with it.


**Title:** It hurts when…

**Pairing:** Sam/Mercedes, alludes to KurtCedes

**Characters: **Sam Evans, Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez

**Length & Rating:** 1500+ Words / PG 13 (for profanity)

**Summary:** Based off of the following anonymous prompt: _Sam and Mercedes are at the courthouse about to get divorce...but can't go through with it._

**Warnings:** None really. Touches on the subject of cheating.

**AN:** Angst!Samcedes. Title and opening lyrics from the song "It Hurts When" by Christina Milian. Un-beta'd. So please forgive any mistakes. I really really liked this prompt and it all just sorta fell out of me. I really wanted to get it out tonight.

_ "There you were last night sitting close to her by candlelight_

_I couldn't let you see my crying eyes but I wanted so bad to run to you_

_How could you find someone in just so little time…._

_…Now I can pretend that losing you didn't mean a thing_

_And I can deny that this whole thing's not happening_

_To hold it inside-it's killing me, it's hurting me. If you could only see"_

The ride there is quiet. Slow, and yet anxious. Twenty minutes feels like 2 hours and Mercedes can't tell if that's a good thing or not. It has to be done right? Cheating is a hard thing to forgive. If her mother taught her anything it's that once a cheater always a cheater. And she'll be damned if she finds herself in this position again.

To be fair… she never gave him a chance to explain himself. She saw it with her own eyes. A woman just knows these things. She should never have to hear from anyone else that her husband is out with another woman. She should never have to question his loyalty. Okay, so things hadn't been…normal… in a couple months. She was busy with her music. He understood this. They'd been fighting more than usual. For someone who once fought so hard for her, he'd certainly given up so easily during their marriage. That hurt more than anything.

A single tear rolled down Mercedes immaculately made up face. She had to make him realize what he was losing. On the outside she looked perfect. On the inside she was in shambles. But… make him suffer like she'd been suffering. She'd lost 20 pounds in less than two months. She wished she could say it was due to diet and exercise, but she knew better. Everyone who'd commented on the weight loss lately did so with a hint of pity in their voices. They knew. Everyone did.

As the drive drudged on, Mercedes sat in the back of the Town Car looking out the window and contemplating how they got to this place. Going from the "It" couple, straight to divorce in a matter of months. With all the ways their relationship could have played out, she never imagined it'd come to this. Sam and Mercedes. They were just meant to be, end of story. Obviously not. Kurt offered to accompany her to the divorce proceedings. But she knew this was something she needed to face alone. No need in dragging anyone else into her drama.

If she were honest with herself, she knew she was partly to blame. She thought of all the "what-ifs", as people do when they find themselves in this situation. "What if I had been home more? What if I had answered his call the first time instead of ignoring it in favor of re-writing that lyric that I ended up changing twice anyway? What if I had just given him the baby he's wanted for the last two years? I always asked that he just wait until after I win my first Grammy. Maybe if I had given him a distraction he wouldn't have stepped out on me?" These thoughts of course translate into anger. "He knows my situation. We talked about this. I thought he understood. My career is just as important as my family. I'm not ready to be anyone's mother. If he has to call three times before I answer then he should be happy to do so. I'm busy and he has to deal. We discussed all of this before I signed the record contract. Granted things are more intense than anticipated, but this is my life, my time to win, and he should be happy to be along for the ride." Then… back around to "I should have been a better wife. I could have balanced this better. He deserves better. Who am I in all of this?"

"Ms. Jones? We're here." The driver had been calling out to Mercedes. So lost in thought… they were here so soon. Damn has it been 20 minutes? "Am I ready to face the worst day of my life? I guess I have no choice." Mercedes thought to herself. She sighed as she answered the driver "Ready".

Mercedes slipped on her designer sunglasses and stepped out of the car as soon as the driver opened the door. As she walked up to the court house, she saw Sam's truck parked in the lot. He would be on time for something like this.

And he would be right inside as soon as she opened the heavy wooden doors of the court house.

"Hi." Sam breathed out. His voice cracked a bit as Mercedes slipped past him as if she hadn't felt his presence immediately.

"Sam. Glad to see you're on time today. As anxious to get this over with as I am?" Mercedes quipped. Her tone sounded more clipped than anticipated, but she didn't care. Any opportunity to make him squirm made it worth it. She wanted him to feel as much as she felt the day she walked in on him at the restaurant with… her.

"Listen… we don't have to go through with this." Sam struggled to keep up with Mercedes' quick stride.

"Sam, I…"

"No Mercedes, NO. Okay- just listen. For once." His tone was forceful. It made Mercedes stop in her tracks. It simultaneously pissed Mercedes off and turned her on at the same time. Fuck. Why does he do this her? How does he do this to her?

"Now, please just hear me out. I just want to explain myself. You have to give me that. The last time I saw you was… that night. IF we're going to go through with this, then at least have all the facts. I was wrong, yes. I was mad at you and I wasn't acting like a man who's married. I didn't even put up a fight. But I can't… won't… let you dissolve this marriage without giving you my full side of the story first. Please… give me that?"

That last sentence sounded a lot like pleading and well… Mercedes hadn't given Sam a fair chance to explain. Not that it would matter now, but she'd humor him. Besides… the door to that court room is extremely heavy and she can't open that door just yet. Emotionally. Procrastination on this feels necessary.

"Five minutes Sam."

Mercedes turned to her lawyer who'd been watching the watching the whole episode from a bench near the court room. Santana Lopez, best damn divorce attorney in the state. "You don't owe him a damn thing. However… I think I can find an empty conference room. The hearing isn't for another 30 minutes anyway."

"Talk." Mercedes couldn't look Sam in the eye. Not right now. They hadn't been in the same room since that night.

"It doesn't even matter how we got to the point where I started to resent… us. I was feeling pissed one night because I'd called you three times and you didn't answer. So I went out with Puck and picked up some chick. Nothing happened that night. I shouldn't have called her the next day. I did. I shouldn't have asked her out on a date that night… I did. We didn't sleep together. That was never my intention. I just needed someone there… to take up some time while you were… away. Puck tried to talk me out of it, but I was an idiot. I knew going to a public place would get me noticed. I guess I was just trying to get your attention. I knew what I was doing. I didn't expect it to blow up in my face like it did though. I know this probably won't change anything but…I just thought you should know."

Mercedes exhaled the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.

"Emotional cheating is just as bad, if not worse, than physically cheating Sam." Mercedes immediately stood up, adjusted her dress, slipped back on her sun glasses and left the conference room.

While walking toward the conference room, she suddenly detoured and headed back out to the awaiting Town Car. Santana tried chasing her down. "Where are you going exactly? Court starts in 15 minutes!"

"I… can't." Was all Mercedes could muster up as she headed out of the court house doors.

Sam immediately ran after her and caught the car door right before Mercedes could close it.

All he could do was look at her, helplessly.

"Sam. Despite all the shit we've been through I know when your ass is lying… and when you're being honest. I… can't say that I ain't to blame for some of this too. I know I ran. I have my own issues and reasons for that. But just… give me time."

Mercedes immediately closes the door and rolls down the window.

Sam asks "So… are we not… doing this?"

"Not today." Window rolls up and the Town Car pulls away from the curb. Mercedes looks back through the rear window and sees Sam smirk as he watches the car drive away.

Deep down, Mercedes knew Sam was telling the truth. She knew she hadn't given him… or her marriage, the fair chance it deserved. Mercedes knows she's a fool for ever thinking she could actually go through with this. Sam Evans was her person. He'd just have to be stuck with her ass for another 10, 20, 30 years.

Love is never easy, is it?


End file.
